Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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