Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
