Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
