Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
