sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
