u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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