Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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