he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
