i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
