Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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