I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
