I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
