I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
