but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
