why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
