with your own penis?
I'm drive I can fine osifer
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
