he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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