there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
