im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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