i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
