he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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