someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
