i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
