when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
