She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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