So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
sarcasm needs its own font
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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