oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
