I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
