What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
