Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
