dude i'm inner monologue high
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
