'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
