You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
