The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
