If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
