yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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