I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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