i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
