We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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