Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
