How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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