I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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