My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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