Betty ford says i'm here all night
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
