The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
