After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
