3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
