no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
