So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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