Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
