I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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