I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I have already put on my inside pants.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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