12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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