I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
