i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
