theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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